The Fourth Reason People Buy

Hey honeys and hustlers,

Every business owner and entrepreneur knows this phrase: people buy from people they know, like, and trust. ****It's a good framework. It's helped countless businesses think about customer relationships. It's the foundation of content marketing, influencer partnerships, and brand building. But I think there's a fourth pillar we don't talk about enough: respect. People will buy from people they respect, even if they don't necessarily like them.

Being liked means people enjoy your company. They find you pleasant, relatable, fun. They want to hang out with you. They feel good in your presence. Being respected means people recognize your competence, integrity, and consistency. They might not want to grab drinks with you, but they trust your judgment. They value your opinion. They take you seriously. In business, you need both. But if you had to choose one, respect will take you further. Why? Because respect isn't contingent on mood, personality match, or fleeting connection. Respect is earned through demonstrated behavior over time. And once earned, it's durable.

You can lose likability in a moment (one bad take, one awkward interaction). But respect? Respect is harder to lose because it's rooted in a pattern of evidence. Think about people you've bought from or worked with, even though you didn't particularly like them:

You bought from them because you respected their competence and reliability. You didn't need to like them. You needed to trust that they could do what they said they'd do—and do it well.

Respect isn't about being popular. It's about being credible, consistent, and competent.

1. Do difficult things. Respect is earned by doing what others can't or won't do. Publish every week for two years straight when most people give up after three months. Ship a product even when it's scary and uncertain. Difficult things demonstrate discipline, courage, and commitment.

2. Be consistent. Respect compounds through reliability. If you say you'll publish every Wednesday, publish every Wednesday. If you promise a deliverable by Friday, deliver it by Friday. If you set a standard, hold yourself to it. Consistency signals that you take your work seriously. That you're not flaky. That people can count on you. You might not be the most charismatic person in the (virtual) room, but if you're the most reliable, you'll stand out.

3. Show up on time. This sounds basic, but it's not. Being on time signals respect for other people's time. It signals that you're organized, intentional, and professional.

4. Act with integrity, especially when it's hard. Integrity means doing the right thing even when no one is watching. Even when it costs you. It means admitting when you're wrong, giving credit where it's due (credit your team and collaborators!), honoring your commitments as best you can, and treating people well even when they can't do anything for you (I could say a lot about this, but that’s for another article).

Integrity builds respect because it shows that your values aren't negotiable. You're not performing goodness for the audience. You are good, consistently. And people notice that, even if they don't say it out loud.

5. Show mercy and grace when it hasn't been earned. Respect is also earned by how you treat people when they mess up. When they don't meet expectations. When they fail. Do you blow up? Do you publicly shame them? Do you cut them off immediately? Or do you extend grace? Do you assume good intent? Do you give people a chance to make it right?

Showing mercy when someone hasn't "earned" it demonstrates confidence, maturity, and emotional regulation. It shows that you're not reactive. That you're not fragile. That you can handle disappointment without collapsing or lashing out.

6. Practice self-respect. Self-respect can look like setting boundaries and enforcing them (be a kind boss to yourself) or being slow to anger and quick to listen. It sets the tone for how interactions will go.

Likability gets you attention. Respect gets you longevity. Likability is great for virality. For building a following quickly. For making people feel good in the moment. But likability is fickle. Trends change. Personalities clash. People get bored. Respect, on the other hand, is durable. Once you've earned someone's respect, they'll:

Think about the creators and people you respect. KevOnStage. Dawn Staley. Michelle Obama. People who don’t often address issues publicly, but always have public support when they do. They might not be the funniest or most charismatic. They might not post every day. They might not have the best production quality. But they're consistent. They deliver. They do the work. They show up with integrity. And because of that, you trust their judgment. You take their recommendations seriously. You buy from them. That's the power of respect.

What would it look like if you optimized your business and personal brand for respect rather than for being liked/popular? Maybe you publish less frequently but with higher quality. Maybe you turn down partnerships that don't align with your values, even when they pay well. Maybe you focus on solving real problems instead of chasing trends. Maybe you build products that genuinely provide value rather than ones that look good on Instagram.

This is a different strategy. It's slower. It's less flashy. It won't go viral as often. But it builds durable loyalty. Because people who respect you don't leave when the algorithm changes. They don't leave when someone more entertaining comes along. They stay because they trust your judgment and value your work.

Trying to be universally liked is exhausting. It's impossible. It requires you to soften your edges, water down your opinions, and perform a version of yourself that's palatable to most people. And even then, some people won't like you. Because likability is subjective and often arbitrary. But respect? Respect is earned through behavior. And you have control over your behavior.

That's enough. That's more than enough.